My take on Therapy, Marriage & why its working. :)

Negativity. Even the word sounds glum.

I have noticed that most status updates on Facebook are grumbly. I am even guilty of a vent sesh or two in my status. Because let's be honest...when we are negative, we want someone to tell us that we are right... we want everyone to be irritated at what irritates us, we want validation for being negative.

Therefore I am going to try to stop the negativity from me (lets be honest, Im still totally going to post anti exercise stuff because its totally my humor and I think its funny).

  Why strive to be that ever annoyingly positive person? Because being NEGATIVE is exhausting! The world is gross enough without me adding my emotional vomit to it! And besides...there is just so much to laugh about...such as... ( Damnyouautocorrect.com ever feel glum? go visit...its phenomenal!)

So HERE is a helpful little quick read on how to begin the change.

And if simple is a little less than what you need ( I sure did a few years ago) and there is some serious stuff you need to work on in your life, marriage, etc. Then here is my NUMERO UNO recommendation.

JACK BODEN PROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR .

He is who stepped in ( ok fine our Bishop sent us to see him ) and single handedly allowed me a chance to TRULY SEE what I was doing to destroy my marriage. He also was able ( not sure how) to show me how to stop my quick reacting rage...which I truly believe was inherited from my father ( He was a rage-aholic but thankfully I was able to heal that relationship also and  enjoy him as my dad before he passed)

I was truly CLOSED to the idea that anyone was going to be able to change me... I mean COME ON, I am the DAUGHTER of a therapist( a very sought after N.L.P. therapist at that! Love you mom!) .. I WAS FINE, I WAS JUSTIFIED, I WAS A MESS of negative emotions, I was a master of being able to justify and defend my actions into the ground. I grew up learning and living therapy!No one could argue with me and ever win. ( I am still a DAMN good arguer!) Somehow, within a safe, quiet, and professional UNBIASED environment, Jack was able to teach me. And I was not what I would call teachable. :)

Now am I not saying that I was the sole cause of distress in my life and marriage? Nope. it ALWAYS takes two to make a relationship, and it takes TWO to destroy it.  And we were on a path baby. It had gotten UGLY. Hey marriage is CONSTANT work... and we got lazy. ( Hopefully Jas doesn't mind that Im sharing our story. I'm pretty sure he is grateful to Jack also!)

Our brains are amazing! Everyone agrees correct? Well, in order to change a behavior, we have to know how our brain is working... a little more light reading my help...HERE is an awesome article!
Jack helped me understand how my brain was processing emotions. It truly helped to understand that how I was reacting was something I could physically feel, and physically stop.
Ok scientific stuff, cool.
But honestly? The process he used with us/me was E.F.T. Therapy, and it wasn't a cake walk. It was more like "Here! swallow this burning piece of pride and then do this every day until you are ready to be honest with youreself." DAMN THAT PRIDE WAS HARD TO SWALLOW! It was tough, I had to learn to cry...IN FRONT OF PEOPLE! ( People being Jack & Jason) I had the opportunity time and time again to share my side of things without interruption ( Jas had his days to do so too & I couldn't say a word! equally hard when you are ignoring everything being said)... even if I was shooting daggers with my eyes and near combustion. Jack was if anything resilient! And believe you me...if you know me? I weld a pretty hefty sword when I intend to cut someone down. I was taught to be TOUGH. Crying was a weakness.  There were a few really tough weeks. I spent a lot of rides home not speaking. :)

I learned that no matter how practiced you are at it, looking someone in the eye and telling them that their actions and words are hurting you is tough and scary. I learned that is is not easy to hear that your words and actions are hurting people and affecting their lives. Anger is sub-emotion to Pain. And learning to admit that I was hurt was TOUGH. Tough even isn't a big enough word here. I was in my repeating cycle (we all have them), and I was comfortable there...even while it was destroying my chances of being happy.

Ultimately I learned emotional freedom. HOLY SCHMOLY! Do you know how GREAT it is to feel emotionally free? If you don't... do something to get there. You will be forever changed.

I learned to truly bond and connect with my hubby. I learned to look into what was driving our arguements. And guess what? We RARELY argue now. If we do? Its usually easily resolved.  I truly, genuinely, adore everything about my husband! (ok fine I don't adore his feet...that is a work in progress) I learned to trust him with any emotion I happen to be feeling...HUGE! I learned that he is my best friend. I learned that he is not "just a man" he is MY MAN! He is my rock, my safety, my quiet place, my sounding board, my co-pilot, and truly the only person who can fill the spot in my heart that is reserved for phenomenally passionate, crazy & wild, adoration and love.  (yep I can be that cheesy, shout it from the rooftops & totally be ok with it!) I mean come on! Look at him...how could I possibly be happy with anyone else? or without him? NOT POSSIBLE.

Recently ( last few years) have been rough...not on us...on others. For some reason ( misery loves company syndrome is my guess) "people" have felt the need to attack us. Spread rumors, tell lies, and basically gossip about our marriage and family. I addressed it once on Facebook...you can read it HERE.
It pretty much says "whats up" but never really stated how Jason and I truly found a way to have an unshakeable marriage.  Divorce will NEVER be an option, and I say that with confidence...WE can overcome anything with the skills we learned to trust each other & accept emotions without judgement.

We even got used as the model couple in a training! What in the WORLD? Yes we are a model couple...hubba hubba! LOL! We are far from perfect, but we are solid. THANK YOU JACK BODEN & E.F.T.

It also helps with regular every day relationships, self esteem, dealing with teachers, neighbors, friends, depression,mental illness, family, etc.

I am 100% able to cope,deal, & express my emotions... and I do.
If you don't like it? Feel free to express your own emotions...but be prepared for me to express right back!

Negativity...I will defeat you one day. As for today? I step off my soapbox, turn on my itunes...I'm thinking its a Bon Jovi day.

Get ready for some amazing things! (Thats what she said! bahahaha!)

Emotions

Showing emotions is a sign of weakness, it is not accepted in our society. It is better to lash out and destroy that what offends or hurts us...then we look tough, we are respected. We win.  What a load of BULLSH**.

It has taken me years to learn the lesson that anger is an emotion that comes from hurt. And even longer to admit that even I can be hurt (even with this awesome tough girl shell I have!)  I can admit it now ( no I don't care to elaborate ) Just wanted to share that it's ok to admit to having your feelings hurt, and its ok to let someone know they hurt you. And just because I can be hurt...doesn't mean that I have to accept their actions. And I have the right to speak and let my feelings be known as well. That forgiving someone for hurting me, does not mean I have to welcome them back into my life right away or ever.

That being said? I am truly grateful for my amazingly supportive husband who has stuck with me in this learning process, and grateful to have amazing kids who love me for who I am. Thankful for a family who loves me unconditionally and is there for me no matter what.

Just me. Trying to be real one day at a time.

Weight, Drugs, and Rockin Rolls...

So if you know me, you know that I am every chasing the dream of being a skinny "b"... and you also know that my dream has eluded me, almost my entire life.
Sadly I was exposed to dieting at a VERY young age... I honestly don't remember a time when I was NOT on some sort of diet. My first declaration of not accepting myself can be found in my 12 year old diary writings..." I need to do something to lose a few pounds " and then going on to say that I cannot believe that I am as fat as I was.... AT AGE 12! It was kindof a shocker to read... cause when I was 12? Yeah I was phenomenal... only I didnt know that!

So here I am at age ....34. And I have been told by my doctor... NO MORE DIETING.  What? What does that mean?

I of course PANICKED and started asking a million questions. Literally firing them off faster than ANYONE could have answered.  Questions like:

Can I still eat the HCG maintenance diet? ( which is basically how I eat now)
Can I drink protien shakes? ( these are on my list to try FO SHO!)
I dont eat white flour... can I still avoid it?

WHAT IS NO MORE DIETING?

F.Y.I. my doctor thinks I am INSANE.

He sat back with a smile, and listened and didn't say a word about my chattery panic attack. Then he smiled and asked... "So, do you think that you suffer from Anxiety?"
HHHHWHAT? I probably sat there blinking for at least 30 silent seconds. "uhhhhhhhh..... no?"

(More smiling and quiet from Dr. B.)  hmmmmm I'll print you off a test I want you to take ok? um sure...but lets get back to this what can I eat business.

So he tells me that based on my test results ( 12 vials of blood, and 4 pages later) I have something called PCOS, I also have something called SYNDROME X or Metabolic Syndrome, VITAMIN D deficiency, and severely low levels of testosterone ( Have fun reading this one!).  Basically a cocktail of reasons why I never seem to be able to lose weight and keep it off... among other symptoms I have dealt with for seemingly ever.

So what does this all mean for me? It means I'm old, and I have a pharmacy on my nightstand. (Ok so this isn't my nightstand, but mine is BEYOND dusty and I'm not showing it to anyone)

So back to the no dieting... I'm having SUCH a hard time with this! SERIOUSLY! It is so INGRAINED into my being to not allow excessive carbs, to seriously limit sugar, absolutely no soda, and never ever white flour.  So I find myself fighting my inner dieter! And yes, as soon as he said no dieting... what did I want more than ever? A fat burning pill. ( these are what I asked if I could have ) Hey! Don't judge!

So 1 month visit re-cap... ZERO weight loss through the holidays...even with my drug cocktail that is supposed to help.  I WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOO(ooooooo) sad. And good ol' Dr. B? He says " Aren't you proud of yourself? - YOU DIDNT GAIN!" um that would be a definite NOPE from me.
Why am I so hard on myself? I mean, I went to Hawaii ( & stayed here,sigh, it was AMAZING), and went thru Christmas and didn't gain any weight... I should be proud, I can say that I am... out loud. Inside? I'm pissed off that the stupid scale said NADA in the loss dept.

He can see how disappointed I am, so he tries to reassure me... "Hey, I said we are fixing this problem, I never said there would be immediate results, do you trust me? We are just starting to adjust your levels and find where your body should be...quit frowning, it will give you wrinkles." Thanks... as if I needed something else to stress about... now he is talking wrinkles. ( " cool! do you have something for those too?" I ask... I get the smile...end of discussion)

So we up my dose of the Metformin ( no I'm not diabetic...I just don't process insulin normally & this is what they prescribe for the PCOS and Metabolic Syndrome). He adds a low dose of Phentermine and tells me... STOP EXERCISING for a while...like a week or maybe two... try something simple... like walking and then you can SLOWLY start an exercise regimen again... BUT NOTHING for the first little while.

*I AM LISTENING AND FREAKING OUT INSIDE*  no dieting, and now no exercise. I am doooooomed.  Now don't get me wrong... I am not one of those LOVERS of exercise... I argue with myself in my head to make myself get on the eliptical. I do, and its hilarious... even I think that I am nuts after a good argument with myself. But the bottom line is, that I am a NAZI when it comes to trying to slim down, I am the most diligent and dedicated person I know... if I tell myself that I have to do it... I do. no cheating. ever. Ask anyone... I have the will power of STEEL. ( unless you put sushi under my nose... there is no amount of steel resolve that can make me say, "no thank you" to a sunset roll or seared tuna)

So I decide to lay it all out on the table... "Dr. B? I HATE breakfast...hate the way I feel if I eat in the morning, HATE it. Can I at least have that? Can I maybe just eat an apple? or just sip on some Chai Green Tea?"
I get the "nope" answer and then BEG literally BEG... "ok fine, can I please just drink a protein shake then? I am wearing him down. I get a big sigh... and a YES!!!! But I must report... as of yet... and almost to my 2 month mark... I have yet to eat or drink breakfast. I know he will yell at me, but I just cant make myself do it.

So am I noticing a difference? Maybe. I don't know about in the weight loss department, but I do have moments when I look and think....MAYBE. Thats all I'm giving it.

Now I ADORE Dr. B. and have decided that my whole family should see him... so in the last month, when things have come up... like daughter hurting wrist and son having an asthma attack... I take them to him. And he never fails to ask me "how are things going" and I always have a reply for him... "not as quickly as I want. Can you add something that will make me HOT by February?" and yes... he just laughs at me, knowing I am COMPLETELY serious. The last time, he said... " We aren't looking for a quick fix here. I'm fixing the problem" CRAP. I hate it when I get put in my place. So I guess for now, I get to set aside the Weight, the Drugs, and start ROCKIN THE ROLLS...( I say that on the outside...inside I'm still screaming)

 I WANT HOTNESS! I WANT THAT SKINNY BI*%^$!!!! I dont want to wait, I want BIG RESULTS AND.................................. I WANT IT NOW! ( Thats what she said~ *hehehe)

updates to come... the next big appointment is the 31st...

Old and wrinkled.

So today I had the great fortune of sharing a conversation with my awesome cousin...We'll call him "Geeza" to protect the man.  ;) ok fine if you read my Facebook you will find out who Geeza is and can harass him appropriately...

Ok so we talk and laugh and have a great conversation about kids, health, and all the safe topics and then there is that pause... so I say " So.....what else is new?"       his reply?

"Well actually (pause)   the reason I called you is.... my lady friend ( we'll call her that because it sounds so much more alluring than girlfriend) has just started selling... (DUN DUN DUN! uh oh)
this new product...and I don't know much about it but its some sort of "Anti wrinkle cream" or some business...(record scratching pause...wait what?) but its supposed to be amazing enough that (big skin corporation I wont mention) is going to back it and .....yada yada yada...he keeps talking but my brain is already stuck.

Soooooo your lady friend is selling ANTI WRINKLE CREAM and you thought of ME? What the H. E. double hockey sticks cuz.... what are you trying to say?

hmmm... he is my cousin after all and it is technically my JOB to make his life a little bit uncomfortable so what do I do? I bust his chops a bit.... :)

"what are you trying to say here Geeza? Anti wrinkle Cream? and my face popped into your head? I mean come on I get that I'm not young but..."

To which I get the ever common back peddling reply.... "no, no, NO! Thats not it! Its just that I know how Vain (he actually emphasized the word vain in reference to me) you are and how you are always doing the eyelashes and weight loss, and diet pills and stuff and well....(I can hear that he is sweating a bit...evil grin)

"WHAT? ...I'm VAIN? Vain AND fat? sheesh Geeza! is that what you really think of me? I'm so offended right now! ( and I continue giving him grief and acting offended while he struggles for the right words....think about it Geeza....be careful....choose your words wisely!)


I give him about 2 minutes of heat before I laugh and say " Thanks Geeza, I get it...I'll TOTALLY try the stuff...send your lady friend my info...( can physically FEEL his relief through the phone waves)

He gives me a few more stats...tells me what he remembers her saying about the product and we end the conversation on a good note... but I failed to say to him what needed to be said... and that is:

THANKS GEEZA for being a concerned enough cousin that you want to keep my smokin hot momma status wrinkle free... I'll try to forget about the diet pills comment...but sleep with one eye open!

Lesson you should take from this post? Men...choose your words CAREFULLY a fully trained evil diva can turn those words and manipulate them into ANYTHING she wants... and THATS WHAT SHE SAID!

Better yourself!

I had the great fortune of meeting Chad when I was....well lets just say that I was not "at my best." I left a better person. His story changes people. His life is one to follow...everything about Chad is contageous. And if anyone asks why you suddenly felt the need to buy his book....you can say "because thats what SHE said!"  Happy reading!

http://www.chadhymasproducts.com/

http://chadhymas.com/

xoxo
She

Want to participate?

Want to ask a "tough" or embarrassing question? Want an outside opinion? I'm no expert in any area... but I'll be glad to share my opinion...send your stuff to thatsheisme@gmail.com and who knows? Maybe you'll be the next "THATS WHAT SHE SAID" topic :)


xoxo
She

Who am I?

Ever wonder who the "she" is in the famous line "thats what she said"?  Well that she is me... granted I'm not the ORIGINAL she, and it doesn't always apply... but from now on... that she is me. Welcome.