I have noticed that most status updates on Facebook are grumbly. I am even guilty of a vent sesh or two in my status. Because let's be honest...when we are negative, we want someone to tell us that we are right... we want everyone to be irritated at what irritates us, we want validation for being negative.
Therefore I am going to try to stop the negativity from me (lets be honest, Im still totally going to post anti exercise stuff because its totally my humor and I think its funny).
Why strive to be that ever annoyingly positive person? Because being NEGATIVE is exhausting! The world is gross enough without me adding my emotional vomit to it! And besides...there is just so much to laugh about...such as... ( Damnyouautocorrect.com ever feel glum? go visit...its phenomenal!)
So HERE is a helpful little quick read on how to begin the change.
And if simple is a little less than what you need ( I sure did a few years ago) and there is some serious stuff you need to work on in your life, marriage, etc. Then here is my NUMERO UNO recommendation.
JACK BODEN PROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR .
He is who stepped in ( ok fine our Bishop sent us to see him ) and single handedly allowed me a chance to TRULY SEE what I was doing to destroy my marriage. He also was able ( not sure how) to show me how to stop my quick reacting rage...which I truly believe was inherited from my father ( He was a rage-aholic but thankfully I was able to heal that relationship also and enjoy him as my dad before he passed) I was truly CLOSED to the idea that anyone was going to be able to change me... I mean COME ON, I am the DAUGHTER of a therapist( a very sought after N.L.P. therapist at that! Love you mom!) .. I WAS FINE, I WAS JUSTIFIED, I WAS A MESS of negative emotions, I was a master of being able to justify and defend my actions into the ground. I grew up learning and living therapy!No one could argue with me and ever win. ( I am still a DAMN good arguer!) Somehow, within a safe, quiet, and professional UNBIASED environment, Jack was able to teach me. And I was not what I would call teachable. :)
Now am I not saying that I was the sole cause of distress in my life and marriage? Nope. it ALWAYS takes two to make a relationship, and it takes TWO to destroy it. And we were on a path baby. It had gotten UGLY. Hey marriage is CONSTANT work... and we got lazy. ( Hopefully Jas doesn't mind that Im sharing our story. I'm pretty sure he is grateful to Jack also!)
Our brains are amazing! Everyone agrees correct? Well, in order to change a behavior, we have to know how our brain is working... a little more light reading my help...HERE is an awesome article!
Jack helped me understand how my brain was processing emotions. It truly helped to understand that how I was reacting was something I could physically feel, and physically stop.
Ok scientific stuff, cool.
But honestly? The process he used with us/me was E.F.T. Therapy, and it wasn't a cake walk. It was more like "Here! swallow this burning piece of pride and then do this every day until you are ready to be honest with youreself." DAMN THAT PRIDE WAS HARD TO SWALLOW! It was tough, I had to learn to cry...IN FRONT OF PEOPLE! ( People being Jack & Jason) I had the opportunity time and time again to share my side of things without interruption ( Jas had his days to do so too & I couldn't say a word! equally hard when you are ignoring everything being said)... even if I was shooting daggers with my eyes and near combustion. Jack was if anything resilient! And believe you me...if you know me? I weld a pretty hefty sword when I intend to cut someone down. I was taught to be TOUGH. Crying was a weakness. There were a few really tough weeks. I spent a lot of rides home not speaking. :)
I learned that no matter how practiced you are at it, looking someone in the eye and telling them that their actions and words are hurting you is tough and scary. I learned that is is not easy to hear that your words and actions are hurting people and affecting their lives. Anger is sub-emotion to Pain. And learning to admit that I was hurt was TOUGH. Tough even isn't a big enough word here. I was in my repeating cycle (we all have them), and I was comfortable there...even while it was destroying my chances of being happy.
Ultimately I learned emotional freedom. HOLY SCHMOLY! Do you know how GREAT it is to feel emotionally free? If you don't... do something to get there. You will be forever changed.
I learned to truly bond and connect with my hubby. I learned to look into what was driving our arguements. And guess what? We RARELY argue now. If we do? Its usually easily resolved. I truly, genuinely, adore everything about my husband! (ok fine I don't adore his feet...that is a work in progress) I learned to trust him with any emotion I happen to be feeling...HUGE! I learned that he is my best friend. I learned that he is not "just a man" he is MY MAN! He is my rock, my safety, my quiet place, my sounding board, my co-pilot, and truly the only person who can fill the spot in my heart that is reserved for phenomenally passionate, crazy & wild, adoration and love. (yep I can be that cheesy, shout it from the rooftops & totally be ok with it!) I mean come on! Look at him...how could I possibly be happy with anyone else? or without him? NOT POSSIBLE.
Recently ( last few years) have been rough...not on us...on others. For some reason ( misery loves company syndrome is my guess) "people" have felt the need to attack us. Spread rumors, tell lies, and basically gossip about our marriage and family. I addressed it once on Facebook...you can read it HERE.
It pretty much says "whats up" but never really stated how Jason and I truly found a way to have an unshakeable marriage. Divorce will NEVER be an option, and I say that with confidence...WE can overcome anything with the skills we learned to trust each other & accept emotions without judgement.
It also helps with regular every day relationships, self esteem, dealing with teachers, neighbors, friends, depression,mental illness, family, etc.
I am 100% able to cope,deal, & express my emotions... and I do.
If you don't like it? Feel free to express your own emotions...but be prepared for me to express right back!
Negativity...I will defeat you one day. As for today? I step off my soapbox, turn on my itunes...I'm thinking its a Bon Jovi day.
Get ready for some amazing things! (Thats what she said! bahahaha!)
I love you Samella!
ReplyDelete